Justin Gibson (Draft that I never published from 2008)

I was rummaging through my old memory box, and I came across a letter I wrote 7 years ago and never sent. It was addressed to Justin Gibson, a boy who drove all the way from Tallahassee, Florida to give me a kiss on New Years eve. A boy who left his childhood stuffed bunny with me as a promise that he would return. A boy that I would never hear from again.

---

January 9, 2001

Dear Justin,

Sometimes it's easier to express my thoughts in written form rather than through oft-construed and stumbling conversation. I'm not sure where to begin, but I know how this will end, so I suppose it would be appropriate to begin with that. Keep in mind that it's 3am and below freezing, so what I write may be slightly incoherent or even a little embellished--probably more so the former.
I love you. It's that simple. Although I never fail to tell you that at the end of phone conversations or during awkward periods of silence, I feel that in order to explain myself and let it be known, the magnitude of my love for you, I must elaborate further.
First i must clarify that I am an avid advocate of the school of thought (founded by yours truly) that the question "Why" is only rhetorical and can never be truly answered. However, the question "How" can. So--how do I love you? Well, not only do you make me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside like an inverted chia pet, but you also intrigue me more than almost anyone else that I've ever met. I'm a sucker for complex people, and you definitely fit into that category. You never fail to amaze me--with both your inner self, who is astonishingly warm, loving, and beautiful, and your selectively transparent facade that can easily fool the majority of even the most gifted psychologists. Freud would be in love. And I could, in no way, blame him. You are a truly remarkable human being.
So this leads me to the pinnacle of the hows of why I love you. I love you because you helped me be me. Because of you< i began actually wanting to be a better person. And I think that is the best gift any person or deity, for that matter, could ever give. I know you probably never realized it, because it had already begun when we became close, but before you, I pretty much gave up my hopes and dreams. I lost myself. Once upon a time I was a dreamer. I was the type of person that spent his days pondering all things academic--I had a future. I was going to be successful in all important areas of life. But things didn't go as planned, and that dream completely vanished--until now. You made me love myself again. You made me want to be me.
I know it sounds pretty strange and convoluted, but it's pretty simple actually. You came along with your mysterious ways and somehow (again--I cannot answer "Why") made me want to help you. I wanted to understand you and love you and experience with you--not only for your benefit, but for mine as well. And in order for me to do that, I had to change. You gave me a reason to care. You gave me hope. And I can't thank you enough.
So, in conclusion, I want you to know that not only does it make me feel completely awesome that you've given me the privelege to love you and that in return you love me back--but that also you helped me regain the ability to love myself. And for that, I am forever indebted.

Always and Forever,

Ben