Kellogg's Diner

I started getting a little weak and delirious, which I finally attributed to my lack of eating, so I ventured out to get some food. I decided to play flip the coin, and it told me to go to Manhattan, but my stomach violently disagreed, so I jumped off the train at the Lorimer stop at the last minute. I'm hoping I can get down more than a few bites of this Ham and Cheese Omelet. Lately it's been a bit of a task.

This is such a vibrant city. There are so many people--so many ideas, languages, hopes, dreams, fears--but at the same time it's one of the most loneliest places I've ever been. I guess that happens until you find your niche. But that can prove to be slightly difficult, especially when you're not entirely sure if you even have a niche.

My cousin just sent me a message on Facebook telling me that I shouldn't rely on other people to make me happy--only Jesus. That's easy to say when your husband is the pastor of a Baptist church. I'm sure it's a little easier to believe in what you say then.

I would love to be Christian. I would love to give myself over to the spirit of someone who may or may not have existed and let my worries just melt away to the promise of everlasting love and light. I think the character of Jesus--for the most part--was highly enlightened with ideals strongly aligned with mine. Unfortunately, the context is obviously too contradictory and not very conducive to my sort of lifestyle.

Unfortunately, the environments which are typically conducive to my genetic or environmental or whatever affinity towards loving another man are full of qualities that I--for whatever reason--am not generally attracted to. I do desire the creativity, spontaneity, and sense of adventure that those kinds of groups tend to foster, but on the other hand I long for the simplicity and stability of my Southern Baptist rural upbringing.