On Sexuality

Tonight I decided to forego my usual neurotic methods of getting laid. Being who I am never seems to work out, as I am entirely too impatient to fall in love the old-fashioned way.

So, I contacted four guys I have been interested in recently and experimentally asked them if they wanted to fool around.

Apparently being blunt has its advantages. The first three, who had previously seemed fairly uninterested, were eager to drop what they were doing to suck my dick. I took one of their offers, as this experiment was making me inadvertantly horny, and I wanted to get out of the office anyway.

The fourth, however, didn't seem to take my bait. Alas, he's the only one that interests me now--the only one with whom I could actually foresee myself having any sort of a long-lasting relationship.

I need a percocet.

neurotic

I met a boy. He was really cute, and we had some laughs over coffee and Turkish food. But I sensed, as I always do, that he wasn't too into me, so I set him up with a friend who also liked astrology, because I am apparently an emotional masochist.

Tonight my friend told me that he has been having crazy awesome sex with this boy. He was very descriptive about it. I ran out of the bar, screamed, cried, and drove 90 miles an hour back to work. It was 2am, and I was on my lunch break.

Why am I so crazy?