all i needed was a simple hello

I'm sitting on the balcony of a 1920s era mansion that's slowly falling apart, where I have a perfect, unobstructed view of some of the most beautiful scenery in the Hollywood Hills. It feels like Italy, other than the huge glowing cross that an alleged Christian cult erected on a peak in the distance.

I just finished crying my eyes out while singing "All Cried Out" to myself. I was crying for various reasons. Firstly, I found out today that my dad most likely has cancer in his lungs and lymph nodes. It hasn't fully hit me yet, but I can feel it building. Secondly, I got off the phone with Christophe. I wanted him to come over so bad to hold me and comfort me and tell me everything is going to be alright in his cute little French accent. But he says he has a stomach ache. He also said that it was a bad idea to get attached to him, although he does want to hang out tomorrow night in Little Tokyo with me and Clementine.

I have an interview tomorrow in the Valley. I was contacted by a lady who wants me to be in a reality show hosted by a fairly infamous rapper. She said it's supposed to be like the Apprentice, and that there is a large cash prize to be given away to the winner, but I'm sure they're just looking for a scared, naive country boy from Georgia like me to exploit.

I have enough money for a one-way ticket back home. I don't know what to do. I hate this town, but I can't get enough of it.

Life is scary.