split personalities

this may be the stoli and sprite talking, but please bear with me.

for the past few years, i've lived my life as my parents would want me to live. i've developed a quite professional lifestyle, excelling in my career and creating this artificial mask of responsibility.

i think i'm starting to suffocate.

life is too short, and i can't stop thinking about running away--starting over. i like change. i thrive on change. but that aspect seriously conflicts with the wants and desires of many people close to me. it's a tough choice.

i don't want to live for retirement. seriously.

te hecho de menos

my house is empty, and i'm alone on cinco de mayo with depeche mode on the radio and a double southern comfort and coke. i know it's because of my own making, but it's hard to resist the urge to wallow in the self-pity of loneliness.

i made a choice, and i should stick with it. it's for the best, they say. the older i get, the more i start sounding like them. it's frightening.

lately i've been surrounding myself with kids almost half my age. they're fun and great for fresh conversation, but reality sets in as soon as the tone switches to talk about curfews and diabolical schemes to fool their mothers into letting them stay overnight.

i'm 26 years old, and i'm afraid of growing up. i have a career now, and it scares the hell out of me. every day around nine i escape to my car and chain-smoke cigarettes, listen to some obscure mid-nineties band and fantasize that i'm skipping second period.